Perfect....

The day has come to an end.... After a long period of preparation, from the decoration hunt in Bangkok even though we had no specific theme to the numerous visits to the venue to discuss with Mr Lim.. It was almost perfect.. Why i say almost? Everything that we could control went very well but the weather was slightly cloudy.. In fact it was drizzling as we were saying our vows.. Looking back at it, although it made my dress a little patchy with the rain drops, i must say it was very romantic.. Almost like those fairytales or korean dramas where serious stuff always take place in the rain... HAAHA.....

Both of us woke up early today.. He woke up early to go down to the place to decorate it.. The place was lovely! I must say i was very impressed.. Every idea that we had came beautifully together... I woke up to get my face and hair done.. I admit.. It was very shiok to just sit there and let someone help you be pretty.. haha..Lazy pig ah?

At first we were a bit worried that our guests would not make it in time for the ceremony to be held before the rain came down on us.. But we made it in the nick on time.. In fact, i think we started the entire thing probably a minute or two around 11... No one was late!! Amazing ah!
Taking photos was quite awkward,.. Haha.. i think the photographer was about to give up.. haha.. Because i couldn't really do all those weird poses.. i ended laughing or blinking my eyes at the wrong times..

But taking photos with Ottie, Nana and Shirl was totally different.. hee.. Maybe coz there were more people in the picture, more people to share the 'spotlight'... All those Plan A and Plan Bs were so much fun! I think we must have looked like a bunch of insane 'camera sluts' as my dear Ottie would put it.. Haha.. Send me all those photos k?

He looked quite good today.. Different from all the other times when he was in jeans and the 'same' tees.. haha... Today i think i can use the word 'suave' on him.. Haha.. Maybe it's just me or the fake lashes obstructing my eye sight! Haha... :P

In all, I may be addressed differently from now but i hope to be still the same old me.. If i do change, please shout in my face to stop k? But if i am changing for the better, please also tell me la... Haha... Goodnight everyone... Going phuket tomorrow lo.....

Lastly THANK YOU to everyone who helped to make this day possible.. Whether by helping with decor ideas, listening to me complain, supporting the relationship, expressing your well wishes in all forms, going down to help with decor early in the morning or by simply just turning up on time.. THANK YOU!

Lotsa love!!... hee... Spread the love k...

Tell me...

I am feeling unwanted again... I thought the migration date was confirmed...But it seems i was wrong, very wrong..No one knows.. And i don't know who else i can ask already.. So now i will just have to wait and see how it goes..

Was very disappointed yesterday...The results of the ballot were out yesterday... Feel that it was a bit weird that during application, we were not asked to state the type of flat we were interested in.. So i think that if they used the total number of flats and multiplied to get the number of applicants to choose, won't it be not accurate? After all wouldn't they have more of a certain type of flats? How are they going to know what type of flat the applicants want if it was required to be stated on the application form? I think my anger and frustration was radiating over msn... haha.. right?
But both you and him said almost the same thing in different ways.. You said," Everything happens for a reason." He said," Maybe it's a good thing that we didn't get the ballot or not we might have a burden that we may struggle to carry.." Well.... I am crossing my fingers that it will be as both of you say.. I shall try my best to be optimistic that something better will come along..

Bonus is coming!... Yipppeee!!! More money... More savings... Can make myself a new pair of contact lenses... Should i get a pair of coloured lens just for the fun of it? Don't have to worry about not having enough money to get prezzies for people.. Anyway i am on for NYE.. Shall we play monopoly? haha... Can we have the roast beef again?... Yum yum.. the fat that melts in the mouth.. Sinful but damn good... hee... Do you want to do pot luck instead? Looking forward to the end of the year..I love christmas even though i don't really celebrate... But it's a good excuse to meet up with friends.. But sometimes i wished we could have snow in singapore then it would be even better.. Could it be possible to snow in Singapore?...

Do you dare?

I want a bit more.... Just a bit more... I know that i am not supposed to be greedy.. I know that there are a lot of people out there that are worse off...

But sometimes i just wish i had more... Is that too much?

I told him recently i wished i had more money... Why? Not to spend on material things or make myself feel good... i was just thinking out loud... The rich are able to try any venture that they want because they are still able to survive if that particular venture fail.. However for the average joe, when deciding on a particular idea, he has to consider all consequences and end results... There are only 2 outcomes... Make it or Break it...

If i were to have an idea for a venture.. i would be very apprehensive... If it fails, will i ever be able to pick myself up from there... Of course, i could try to be optimistic and say that this could be my lucky break...

Sometimes the idea is there but when you don't take action to work on it and you watch someone else succeed in it, you might end up looking back and say," i should have worked on it immediately after i had the idea."

So do you dare to work at fulfilling your dreams if you know that average results are not an option? You have to make it or break it...

Freaky...

It's very freaky.... After publishing the previous post, i went to read the Sunday times... And when i came to the horoscopes section, it seemed like it was answering the questions on my previous post... It said something along the lines of this," You don't have to know exactly where you are going. Just know that you have 1 foot on the path and you will arrive there before you realize it."

Freaky.

Please lead me onto the right path......

I have dreams, we have dreams...

I have started with the baby steps but where do i go from here? Who do I ask for advice? How do I go and look for such 'lobangs'? Should I go to a school and proceed from there or just wait till the right person and opportunity comes along? Do I have the suitable credentials or criteria to even apply for that kind of school?

Sometimes the ideas flood my mind, sometimes they are hidden far away from me... I have learnt no to force it.. Just let it come naturally... But sometimes I get a bit frustrated because I am unable to draw the ideas in my head... What turns out on paper is not a representation of the concept that i have in my head at all... Haiz... So much for creativity...

If you have any advice as to how i can proceed from here, PLEASE let me know!!

Yesterday i had a very insightful walk with him around Suntec... Many things were discussed as we walked aimlessly around.. We were not interested in the shops and didn't even know where we were going to but the conversation we had was very purposeful and opened my eyes to his very complex mind... But we still couldn't figure out the right way and path to achieving our dreams...

I asked him," Do you think we will ever be able to make it? Fulfill our dreams of going to a place where we will be surrounded with maple leaves, fresh air and less tension?"... haha.... He said he didn't know.. Depends on the steps we take in the future...

Maybe that's the way i am... very insecure when i am unable to see the clear steps to the place i want to be... I guess it's no longer like when we were young, our parents told us that in order to do this, you had to go through that..

Is this what they call life? How it turns out depends on the roads you choose?

How?..... Why?

How could you be so heartless? To actually agree when she said you were going with your girlfriend for entertainment?
Are you SHOUTING in her face that she no longer has a place in your heart?
How could you????? You disappoint me.... All the respect is gone... Don't think it will return..
Why are you doing this even though you SHOULD know it will break her heart?
Why are you so heartless and unfeeling nowadays?
How could you even bring yourself to agree to something like that?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can count the days left to the all important date... Exactly 11 days from now.. I will be embracing an entirely new aspect and step in my life...

Excited that it's the next step in my life,
Nervous as I don't really know what to expect,
Stressed: I want that day's event to run smoothly
Hopeful...... Hope that everything will go smoothly, hope we will not end up like people around us... Hope we will be able to hold hands and tackle anything that comes our way together and not let our emotions get us into situations where unpleasant words are mentioned and can never be taken back...

I am going to work my ass off to make sure this works out the way we both want it to.. Not going to let it end up like people around us.

Please give me strength and patience to deal with all things coming...

We shall work together to keep jealousy and suspicions at bay k? Ok?

So......

It's been a long time since i last posted...

Recent updates.....

- My date of 'migration' is tentatively set at 18th Dec... But again, as usual no confirmation as yet.... just have to see how it goes.. Going to start clearing my off soon... haha.... My fellow cows are saying that now is a great time to move over to a new pasture as the new shepherd is a bit psy***.

- I have started with baby steps... Hopefully I don't fall flat on my face and not be able to pick myself up.

Dreams will always be there.. I will try my best to chase and fulfill them. Just hope I don't end up falling and being unable to stand up and try again after that..

I am now totally in love with the korean show on Channel U... I think it is one of my indulgences, where i can dream of myself in those fairy tale situations after the show... Don't snigger k? It's my stress-reliever.. :P

It's been a long time

Haven't blogged for quite a long time, haven't been able to access my comp.

Yesterday was particularly frustrating as I couldn't connect to my wireless network no matter what I did. I even called the Stahub care centre, the guy was really patient and helped me loads but still I couldn't connect. He told me that there was a possibility that a person could have hacked into my network and did something which doesn't allow me to use MY network when he/she is using.

Whoever that person is, I am sorry for being vicious but I hope that person gets his/her deserved retribution for being such a cheat.

Planning is meeting with a few obstacles as usual. I thought the storm was over but dark clouds are still hanging around after the downpour. Threatening to rain with any wrong move or words.. Stuff not settled and more problems and ideas on the way... Haiz...

I should be able to....

I should be able to happy with where I am now.

I should be able to spend as I like on things that I like, seeing that my job provides for almost anything.

I don't even have to buy clothes for work. I should be able to pamper myself and not feel the pinch.

So why is it that I feel like I am saving money all the time and have nothing left for myself?


You ask me why my face is so black.

You have no idea what is going through my head.

You don't know what it feels like when I tell you an idea and you just "mmm" and walk off.

You probably will never know. Maybe if by some freak chance, you read this then you might have an idea.

Is it like what she said?

"That you don't really bother because I seem secure with myself?"

Why?

I am very puzzled.

Why do I feel that you tend to listen more to other people than me although the ideas are the same?

Is it because i have very little credibility and you don't trust me, don't trust my ideas?

Or is it that I am not eloquent enough to put my ideas into words as effectively as others?

It upsets me that you listen to other's advice and come to tell me how wonderful it is when it was similar to what I told you in the beginning..

But do YOU know how upsetting it is?

Hmmmm....

Someone asked me a very interesting question today after reading this blog.


Him: "Does it matter?"


Me: "Huh?"


Him: " You being you..."


This very innocent question led me to think, is it so obvious to everyone out there that i have a major problem with me being me? We carried on to discuss about goals and aspirations. Many things inspire me. Yet, I do not know in which direction i should head after I am inspired.

He said he is interested in design, even showed me his website.. At least he is starting somewhere. He asked what i was interested in.. Many things!!! Maybe I am one of those meant to be "Jill of all trades and master of none".

Sometimes when I look at dance or theatre productions, I wished i was a part in making it happen. I am not talking about being the lead dancer or main character. I wouldn't mind just being the one bringing refreshments to the cast, helping with the sets or helping the cast with their many costume changes.. haha... Am i very simple minded or is it that I don't have high aspirations? I would feel very satisfied that the tiny parts I played helped to make it happen or be a success...

I told him that I was still looking for my strength, he replied not to look too far as it might be nearer than I think..Many enlightening words followed.. At the end, he just advised me to progress from thinking to making baby steps in achieving what i want..

"Crossing my fingers I do not trip with my first step"

Confused, upset, guilty.. What am i feeling?

I feel weird. Immediately after landing in Singapore, I received news that my working place would be changing. I landed on the 28th Oct, i was told the change would take place on 1st nov..???????? Huh?..

Now I am still at the same place, awaiting confirmation. Nothing is confirmed yet. So I feel a bit like an unwanted child or nobody's child. Waiting for people to come forward to claim me. Maybe this can be considered as an occupational hazard. Ha... I am hopeful the new place will be a greener meadow. All my fellow cows are telling me it IS greener. But I guess I will have to 'migrate' over there to know the truth. But anyhow, still looking forward or maybe i should say pining for the arrival of 2009...

I am feeling a bit guilty because I feel that I haven't been able to concentrate fully on the training that I am involved in because of my travels (oops) and the major events taking place in my life now. So a bit sorry to the people that have been affected due to this. Sorry sorry... Very sorry...

I am upset... But honestly, I don't really know why I am upset and what's is upsetting me. Just feeling the blues. So if there are any psychics out there that can help me figure out the demons and devils in my head. HEEELLLLP!!!!

In the middle...

I am stuck in the middle. Stuck between 2 sides. Both want me to be on their side and give them advice and solve the problem.

I am only me, I can't do everything. I can give advice but I can't force people to heed them.

If at the end of the day, advice is requested but not paid attention to, then I refuse to be involved anymore. I am unable to tell who is telling me the truth, the whole truth. Who is holding back and telling me partial truth. So I think it would be unwise to pass any judgement.

I thought I was aware of what was happening and the factors contributing it, now I am not that sure.

Thoughtful.....

Is it natural to always wish for things? Is there a reason why sometimes you may not have what others have? Or are we too busy comparing that we are unaware that the things that we are actively seeking are just in front of us and that all we have to do is use the material between our ears to stretch our hands and reach for them?

Will the answers to the questions come naturally or do we have to look for enlightenment ourselves? Why are some brimming with self-confidence and others hiding and admiring the confident ones from afar? When and how will those hiding be able to step out from the dark and discover the person they never knew?

How are we supposed to be at peace with ourselves? Do you sometimes feel like when compared to others, you have nothing? It can be no intelligence, no beauty, no money, no happiness, no life satisfaction, no self-esteem and most importantly no sense of your purpose, duty or responsibility in life...

Do most of these things get passed down from your family or are they acquired within one's lifetime? Is it possible for someone to lay dying and still not know the answers to the above questions?

Or is it like those chinese period dramas always say, " Die without regrets."

..... Hmmmmm....

I am back!

It's only been about 3 hours since i reached singapore after a 10 hour plus flight from Istanbul but i am already wishing that it was still last week when i was typing the previous post and waiting to get ready for the flight to Turkey.... I guess it 's my 'Holiday withdrawal symptoms' at work again.. The flight back was shorter than the flight there and more bearable.. I guess it was also because the flight attendants were friendlier on the return flight. On the flight to Istanbul, i think all the passengers owed money to the flight attendants.. Their faces were BLACK!! and they were ULTRA unfriendly...Although i must say that the leg space was the most i have experienced so far, but the flight was ruined by the Very very thin cushions of the seats, the unfriendly flight attendants... After the flight, most of us suffered from aching necks, legs and butts...Haha...

Finally reached Istanbul around 6 am, was met by a quite cute looking guide.. haha.. Proceeded to visit our first site.. I think Turkey is very intriguing... Majority of the population is Muslim but yet there's a visible european influence in the achitecture and the streets... Went to visit Blue Mosque.. Very exciting.. 1st time in a mosque.. and probably will be the only time.. Quite an interesting experience.. took lots of photos... After that went for our first lunch in Turkey.. Didn't really know what to expect..















This was the first day's lunch.. and i still think it was one of the best meals we had in Turkey..The chicken pieces on the plate were removed by HAND from the hot skewer by the cook!! Ouch! I feel pain for his hands...After that we went to visit St Sophia, a church that was converted to a mosque... Interesting right? But it was a pity that there was a metal structure inside it that was built to support and prevent the dome from collapsing as the structure spoilt the entire view...

I shall not go too much into detail about the entire itinery.. I went hot air ballooning though!!.. Very fun! Cooling and hot at the same time.. Haha... It was very hot when the pilot pressed the button for more fire and cooling when we went higher.. It was very overwhelming when we first reached the spot for the 'take-off'. The balloon was huge.. Went for turkish bath too.. though it was quite a disappointing experience... The people didn't really put too much effort into it. We all felt like we just went through a production line. Some were lucky and had a thorough scrub and massage but others were not that lucky.

But i think the most enjoyable was the Bosphorous cruise... It's a strange feeling to be neither here nor there. You have asia on one side and europe on the other but yet when you are on the cruise, you are unsure which side you belong to. But but but... the houses on both side of the Bosphorous were AMAZING!! Amazingly huge too!..Most had their own private pool. Some were the equivalent of 2 bungalows added together in singapore.. Our guide said the minimum that one had to pay to buy a house there was 5-6 million US Dollars!!! Minimum eh!

A few interesting things were having lunch in an underground restaurant, smoking the water pipe, visting the ancient cities, making voice memos on my cameras so that I would not forget what did the different stones represent and trying their local food, although HS did suffer as most of their food came with cheese. Most of us were not used to the food so we depended on bread to fill our tummies..Bread in the morning, afternoon and evening.. Think the entire group will be very afraid to see bread these few days.. Haha

There were very interesting people in my group.. There was a lady that always had an umbrella opened even when it was not sunny or raining.. We had people that came from Philippines and Indonesia to join the tour...

Anway i have to go bathe soon.. See ya all soon...

Holidays lo!

I will be going to the airport for my trip to Turkey in less than 12 hours time.. Haha.. Excited.. Glad to get away from the nonsense that me, Jon and Hafiz are facing at work. Everyone is telling me that the tea available there is good.. (Vincent: Yes, that includes you too!). Ok ok.. I shall try to bring some back k?

Feel a bit bad that I will be leaving Jon and Hafiz to cope with them. I won't be around to take them for test. What a waste! Would like to see their faces when they FINALLY realized that they are not up to the standard that they think they are. Haiz... Praying that they do buck up within these few days before the actual test arrives. Feeling unappreciated though..

I actually fear when I am currently am now.. There's a very thick air of suspicion, tension and unhappiness... It's like the haze. Majorly affecting our lives but at the same time,we are helpless to clear it.. We just have to wait for it to clear up on its own and hopefully after the haze comes warm and sunny days..(Fingers and toes crossed)

Do you have someone that you really admire that you wished you were like him/her? I do. I would be happy if i were even 10% like her.. Haha...Sounds insane ah? But this person is like an angel.. she can do no wrong. If you need her, she's there. Passionate about life and the things that are important to her in life... Never saying negative things about people unless they really push her limit, which by the way is quite difficult to do. Yup, I am very grateful that this angel plays a part in my life and very honoured that she considers me as one of her MANY friends..
To this angel, you may or may not know that i am referring to you but just want to THANK YOU for sticking by me for so long and for simply being there. *HUGZ*

So many choices that inspire me but which is the one that i really like? Will i be happy with the choice that i finally make? Why can't i think of something that is truly what i want? Don't all girls dream of theirs from young? Where's my dream?.... The hunt for the perfect choice continues..

Take cares all!!! I shall update when i return from Turkey...

I survived!

Haha.. i survived today's session of yoga! Happy!!! Didn't feel giddy... i think that's good enough for me... I am not a weakling! Yeah!! Today's teacher was a little easier to understand... Looking forward to my next session which will be next next week.. I am going to Turkey this wednesday. Holidays are such fun! Ottie... All the way k... Remember to go for lessons throughout the week.. haha.. must make full use of your weekly pass.

Weird thoughts filled my mind today. If you had to listen to conflicting opinions coming from your sibling and your future spouse, will the 'Blood is thicker than water' phrase be a factor in deciding who's opinion to listen to? Or will you just form your own opinion? Is it natural for your future spouse to feel upset, a wee bit jealous or self-conscious that she/he may be inferior compared to your siblings? Will you feel a bit uncomfortable if you see bosses assigning work or confiding in people around you and not you? Or will you feel very happy coz there are less things for you to do? Just wondering, very curious..

What to do if you felt that you were not up to standards compared to everyone else? That you are always sub-standard compared to the rest of the people around you... I know there's a saying, " One mountain has another one higher or lower than it". Is it possible for a person to always be the lowest mountain ever?

What is happiness? When is true satisfaction and sense of achievement obtained?

Do you believe in things that claim to improve your life? Eg, Luck, Love or career charms? Haha... I recently bought one of those voodoo dolls sold at Mini Toons that are supposed to improve your life. I guess I am slipping back into my fantasy life again, either that or i am just grabbing at any straw or hay that i hope will improve the situation. I bought a career charm for HIM... Hope it helps in his next career move.

To my special HIM: I know that you are frustrated with the place you are in now. I know you feel cheated. I can understand how you feel..Like you are trapped in a solitary room and you have no choice but to wait till the time is right and the key will magically appear to free you from your misery. I guess we have no choice but to make the best of our solitary room.. To improve ourselves, to prepare ourselves for the time when we can leave the solitary room. Try to make the best of the room, look forward and I know that you will be able to make it in your next move! I am behind you k?

2 more days to holiday! Yeah! Going for dress fitting when i get back, can't wait for that.. The anticipation is killing me... Haha.. More preparation work awaits us when we get back.. Turkey! Here i come!...

Hot & sweaty! But fun!

My body is aching all over! The hot yoga was a very interesting experience... It's like doing yoga in a sauna.. One of the teachers was doing together with us and she was AMAZING!!! My idol!! haha... I think i wasn't accustomed to the heat, after half an hour of exercise, i was feeling giddy and had to sit down to rest for a while. After 90mins of 'sweatiness', had a very refreshing bath and went with Ottie to eat Thai Express. I had the Tom Yum seafood soup with glass noodles.. Yummy! Reminded me of Bangkok and caused my 'Bangkok withdrawal symptoms' to return even though i just got back recently...Haiz..

I will be meeting Ottie tomorrow for more 'suffering'! My legs are crying for help but my head is telling me to endure so that i can lose more weight.. haha... Anyway in case i forget..Jia you!!! for your tuesday physical test! I am praying hard for you to get through it so that you can get your dream job, crossing all my fingers and toes for you... Jia you! Jia you!

I discovered 2 new things today but it would be rude or unethical to reveal them as i think the people involved wouldn't want too many people to know.. I guess all the clues were there and all i had to do was piece them together. Maybe that explains why i wasn't very surprised when i heard the news.

Just reached home after playing Counterstrike with HS and his friend.. My skills are so rusty after not playing for such a long time.. Had the highest death rate.. But it was so much fun and the roasted chicken rice at Katong Shopping Centre is still as yummy as ever. (Must go try!)..

My old thoughts came back to haunt me today again. Wondering when will i be able to discover that 'something' that i am good at. Still as lost as ever. Hoping for the light bulb to pop up above my head anytime.. Haha... Silly me right? Am i asking for too much? Or am i just very difficult to satisfy? What's your definition of success? Happiness in what you do everyday or the amount of money you earn?

I have not found my own definition of success, I don't even know whether i should consider myself successful or just going along with the flow...Maybe with the yoga that i am trying to pick up,i will be able to find peace with myself ... Shall go to s leep now before Ottie finds herself meeting a panda bear tomorrow for yoga...

Goodnight dear all!!! Sweet Dreams!!

Brand new experience

This feels weird, writing my thoughts for others to see.... yet at the same time it feels exciting..Feels like i am joining the world and not keeping to myself or living in my mountain cave...Think my blog will always be very short and sweet, not very good at writing or speaking..Haha, probably the only time that my blogs will be very long are when i need to vent my frustrations, share my happiness or when i am thinking out loud... Or as Vincent puts it:" thinking really LOUD"... haha

You may ask me why the sudden interest in blogging? I am afraid i can't answer that. I guess i just want to find out how bloggers feel when they are typing their thoughts to be posted on their personal blog.

Why " I wish upon a little star"?... I am probably trying to live in my fantasy world where if you wished upon a little star or prayed really hard, you might get what you prayed for.... When i am confused, i try to imagine myself in fairy tales, no problems, no worries..... You may say i am trying to escape from reality... It's probably my way of detaching myself from my thoughts, be it negative or positive and hopefully, having a bit of "Me time" where i can be selfish and just think of ," Me, Myself and I"

This blog will probably be a continuation of my diary which i started and ended in secondary school... haha... Anyway just want to thank the people that have played a part in my life, no matter how big or small your influence has been on my life, I thank YOU!.... I am not good at expressing my gratitude, hopefully this expression of thanks is not delayed....

Anyway shall go to sleep soon... Going to meet Nana and Ottie to check out Bikram( Hot) yoga tomorrow at Raffles City... Can't wait... Haha... Probably end up sweating like pigs (The room is 40 degrees!)... So unglam!...Haha.. but should be loads of fun....

Goodnight to all! Hope i didn't confuse you with whatever i am writing....