Tingling

It's tingling... my arm's tingling... I had a jab yesterday that was given under the skin.. Not the kind that they give at your bicep.. You can see a small bump forming as the solution is infused into your skin.

It swelled today. Quite a big one.. My arm feels weak, tingling and aching at the same time. I showed him my arm and asked him," Is this normal?" I expected a normal answer. But instead he "tiak" my arm the way you would hit marbles and said,"you mean this?" PAIN eh!!!!... The pain didn't stay at the spot he hit but started radiating to my fingers too. I jokingly told him that I would never see him for anything in the future, he laughed.

I don't have the luxury of my friends who have people falling over their own feet just to make them happy, take care of them when they are sick or supporting them when they are limping. Sounds like I am jealous of the most ridiculous thing right? The truth is I AM. There was once a person who my friend crossed the road with and he suddenly changed position with her and he said, 'the car can bang me first'. But when this same person crossed the road with me, our position remains the same and the car is allowed to bang me first. Sounds absurd? Well... this is just one of the examples. But i am slowly learning to ignore it and to just laugh at the absurdness of the situations.
When I state that i shall go seek medical attention, i receive snide remarks, "Slack right?" etc.

Sometimes i feel that when i talk, people will doubt what i say.
I have come to just depend on my body's ability to recover on its own.
I will survive...

CNY

CNY is here...

Many thoughts flood my head as I go around collecting ang pows and visiting. Didn't really collect much as the families are not very big. Either way it's the amount inside that counts, not the number of red packets.. Haha... I received packets that only contained 2 bucks from people who are held dear by my own family. Apparently, the feeling is not mutual.. But it doesn't really matter, just makes things and their feelings clear to me.. Haha... I think we will be broke next year, when people start to stretch out their hands to us.. :P

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I don't really look forward to getting old... People don't understand you then. I feel sad when i see my grandma having to ask us to finish the food. She trudges to the market early in the morning to buy groceries so that she can cook for us to eat but everyone who turns up at her house has had their meals. The person who told her to cook but didn't bother to help finish the food ought to be shot.

Why did you even tell her to cook in the first place? Then she practically has to beg us to eat the food. Very pitiful. Put in lots of effort into preparation but not appreciated at all. I totally agreed when he said that in his family, when his grandma ask them to eat, no matter how full they are, they will eat because if they refuse, she will be very upset and hurt.

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Hungry. They didn't pack lunch for me today. I didn't even know til i asked them and by that time, everyone had gone for their own lunch, so shall not eat today and use the time to submit this post... hee.. Either way, have been eating too much for the past few days... Shall allow my system to clear up..

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I despise you. I despise your weakness, your inability to speak up for yourself. You enlist the help of people to state your points. FIGHT YOUR OWN BATTLE! Don't hide behind others especially when they know nothing about the truth and are helping you just because you are too cowardly to do it.

I despise you. I hope you know it.

Miffed... A little...

Jealous.. a little.. I say aloud I don't want anything and i know i don't want anything too.. BUT i am a little jealous when i see people preparing because i know there is no preparation on his part..

Was hopeful... a little.. A small voice from within was a little jealous seeing the box of chocolates..

They told me they wanted to see the watch that i was eyeing for so long on my wrist after yesterday. I told them,"Na, it probably won't happened." Then they told me to go buy it myself and claim.. haha.. So cute but so very friendly and nice to me even though i haven't known them for a long time.... No scandals k? .... unlike a certain someone in blue that i know... hehehe.. yup.. it's you 'maam'...

You tell me you want everyday to be special and good and not just a particular day. So does that mean I can use anyday as an excuse to expect a little gift from you? :P

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Anyway i was so busy on the road to self-destruction the past few days that i missed out very important signals from people around me.

Some people do really believe in me. I thank you for the belief you have placed in me and continue to place in me even when i am the peak of my self-doubt. Thank you for believing and loving me. You and you should know you are k? A gal in blue and a guy in green.

However, i am still looking forward to the day that i can rest for a few days in a row without feeling guilty. Haha.. i am not going to elaborate about the event that will result in the rest lest all of you out there scold me for being mad... haha

weird

It's irritating.... Very...

I fall sick but yet not sick enough to collapse. My body is just so damn bloody strong. It always has to recover just before i see a doc. If i did collapse, then i wouldn't have to listen to people suspecting that i was just using sick as an excuse.. I woke up feeling feverish and having half my voice gone. BUT when i nearing the place to take bus to work, it started to clear up. I went to see a doctor. BUT as usual, i was almost 70% well with a massive headache and very congested throat. Now i feel like i have a fire burning inside.. My neck and tummy feels hot but the thermometer tells me i have no fever...

I think i am weird. I want to get help for myself. But yet when people ask me, i am unable to express myself. So in the end, the true situation is not known... Stupid idiot.

Vince... I hope you didn't think i was psycho. But those are really my true thoughts and feelings.

Ottie.. Hope you are enjoying your day.. I am sure the bees are hard at work.. i am still waiting for your email.. Maybe i will write you one too... together with the reply.

Shirl.. I am glad that you liked the perfume... About the 3rd day of CNY, i confirm with you again k,,,

Nana... Thanks for helping to be the one handling all our purchases from Gojane.. Love ya...

Nearly....

I nearly fainted on the bus yesterday. I think it was the combination of me feeling really lousy and the stuffy bus.
I thank the lady who saw me swaying and got up to offer me her seat. It may have been her stop or maybe she was just giving her seat to me.. I thank you.

I think it was the combination of really spicy food from food court for lunch, corn soup+mixed grill+root beer float from Billy bombers that really upsetted my tummy.. I ended up waking at 1 plus last last night throwing up and went back to sleep still feeling nauseous. When i woke up yesterday morning, my whole body was aching and i didn't dare to consume any food or liquid for fear that it would be wasted. Felt really lousy, thankfully i only had to endure for half a day, i went home to rest after the test ended. I nearly fainted when walking to the bus interchange.. After sleeping at home, i awoke with fever.. But i still went to meet my ma to do some shopping at This Fashion.. Haha.. Ottie dear, i think you will be pleased that i have finally bought myself jeans that are not 'lau lau'...

Never really felt so sick. I know some of you might find it a bit weird, i was a bit happy to be sick.. Coz i was just telling him that day that i wouldn't mind collapsing so that i could take a few days rest without feeling guilty. Hahaha... okok... don't scold me k...

I ate KFC for dinner and i thought it would make me so sick that i wouldn't be able to go to work today. But i was wrong. The potent combination of herbal tea taken together with Yin qiao tablets allowed me to go to work today with nothing more than a sore throat.. Power ah? So i guess the collapsing from exhaustion will have to wait for another time...

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I admire you.

- You who knew from young that you wanted to be a policeman. And you have worked your way through all the obstacles so that you can now proudly tell people," I wanted to do this since i was a little boy and now i am successful."

- You who knew that you wanted to be a pilot even though you gave up the idea when you became short sighted. But when i ask you now, what you want to be, your answer is still a pilot.

- You who knew that you either wanted to be a nun or something along the line so that you could 'save the world'. You are now going for training soon to be some form of world saviour. :p

- You who always knew you would be in the PR or marketing line. You who have the talent and natural ability to socialise well with people and speak with confidence even though you sometimes say things too quickly.

I admire you..

A speck of dust

A speck of dust...

Small. Insignificant. No function. No purpose. No ambition.
It's only contribution to the society is to create jobs for people and headaches for others.
No one knows when it appears and when it disappears. Most people are oblivious to it.
It's lost. It takes the direction of the wind that carries it within.

This is me.

Ridiculous....

The increasing prices and the decreasing square areas are really quite irritating. In some ways, they are the main factors why people may resort to queueing for stuff even there are no official notices about the sale of it. The desperation of people to take leave to queue based on speculation just shows 2 things:

-LOTS of people want it

-There are not enough to go around because the new ones are expensive, small and basically reminds them of squatters..... Haiz... What to do? Join in the madness or just sit and wait patiently for our turn? Will we miss the turn if we do not join in the madness?

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Dictatorship sucks... Especially the dictators that are lazy, always not around and claim credit for others' efforts. Basically they just spoil the day for the people around them. Don't underestimate others. Don't find fault with things people do even though it is not exactly the way you want it, you lose respect.

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To my dear ma-dam: It sounds like there are loads of people taking really good care of you. That's good! I also want!!.... But the hidden meanings and the flowery language in your posts are causing people to worry and misunderstand.. so 'my friend' is really concerned. So reply his sms k? Hee...