2 IC no more...

Overwhelmed.. that's how i feel...

I knew it was coming but I didn't expect it to be so fast. I assumed that like everyone else, there will be a reasonable amount of time for me to understudy. But I guess I am not like everyone else.
Now it has landed on my shoulders.

You questioned my ability and capabilities. Don't pretend. You said you were worried for me, but you just wanted me to be fully aware that you 'built the system into what it is'. You tell me the system doesn't seem to flow after you start to be absent. You also say you are worried that it will fall apart after you leave. It's demoralizing the first time you hinted in my face. But the second time you told me, it made me determined to make sure the reputation of the place will not be damaged when I am in charge.

It is demoralizing when you go to a new place, you are excited to learn new stuff then you get told that you will be leaving the place soon. Then you see your top management very actively recruiting people and he keeps telling you, "You will out of here earliest by the end of the yr." many times in different ways. But well... what to do? It strengthens my belief that this organisation is going to meet its decline in the near future... With all the changes and cost-saving efforts...

Today I felt like giving up, felt boxed in, felt like everyone wanted a piece of me. I rushed back to office during lunch, had a 5 min lunch before having to rush back down to another part of the premises. But the ultimate blow to my weary shoulders was when I called to ask someone to help me check some stuff and was told some key personnel were taken out for lunch and were not coming back to office after that. Felt like crying, but forced myself to hold back the tears..

Tears= weakness.. The cruelty of the real world.

Not looking forward to upcoming weeks. I foresee lots of problems, lots of hidden matters that have been swept under the carpet.

I jokingly told one of them the other day, my smile will be disappearing as the weeks go by...

You tell me to be brave... I hope I won't let you down. I hope you won't be the one to see me in tears too.

Everyone jokingly told me it is a promotion with no pay rise. Yup.. I guess it could be put that way. My shoulders feel heavy, every step i take, there are decisions to be made. Now, i truly understand the difficulties faced when one has no proper guidance.

Wish me luck. I pray it will be enough... and of use...